you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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