i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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