Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I haven't been this sober since birth.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
