Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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