Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
