cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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