Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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