He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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