I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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