I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
