I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
my liver is dry heaving
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
