3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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