i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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