My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
