margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
