and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
