Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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