I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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