I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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