Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
