If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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