Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
