Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
please come you make the beer taste better
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
