I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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