so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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