Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
