fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
