covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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