Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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