just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
