My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
