i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
