Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
