and you said cock pushups were impossible
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
