my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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