i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
