So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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