My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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