My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
