Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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