At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
