Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
