Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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