pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
pop tarts are not kleenex
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize