I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
