Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
