Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
