I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
