So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
