Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
