Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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