actually, I'm a sock model
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
