I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
