He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
