if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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