I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
