my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
