Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
