I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
