I want to make a zoo with you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
