On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
