My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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