One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
