I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
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You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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