is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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