First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
