I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
