thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
