I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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