He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
