Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
