ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
