we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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