Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
