That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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