dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
