I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
