the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
