like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
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there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
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To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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